THE USER'S GUIDE TO POST-THANKSGIVING NAPPING STRATEGIES

Don't fight the food coma. Plan for it.

FORWARD: I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU BUT I AM ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE WHO HAS A HARD TIME FOLLOWING THE RULES OF PROPRIETY,

THE WAY I SEE IT , THERE IS A REAL NEED FOR A NAP AFTER THE THANKSGIVING MEAL. LETS NOT PRETEND THAT ITS NOT A THING. BECAUSE IT'S A THING. SO IF YOU'RE HOSTING - WHY NOT PLAN IT OUT?

THE STRATEGY:

PHASE 1

SECURE THE PERIMITER

(CHOOSING THE RIGHT ROOM)

KEY POINT: NEEDS TO BE AWAY FROM THE NOISY KITCHEN (NOBODY WANTS TO HEAR DISHES BEING WASHED WHILE THEY ARE TRYING TO SLEEP.

PHASE 2

ESSENTIAL TACTICAL GEAR:

BASE OF OPERATIONS: SEATING,

AN ARMCHAIR WILL WORK,

BUT YOU REALLY NEED DEEP SECTIONALS

TO SUPPORT A GROWN ASS HUMAN IN A TURKEY COMA.

PERSONAL ISULATION SYSTEMS: BLANKETS

THE POST -TURKEY CHILLS ARE REAL.

DEPLOY HEAVY-DUTY CHUNKY KNIT BLANKETS

(TO HIDE UNDER IMMEDIATELY AFTER PIE)

CRANIAL SUPPORT UNITS: PILLOWS

MINIMUM 3 PILLOWS PER NAPPER.

ONE FOR THE HEAD, ONE TO HUG AND ONE FOR BETWEEN THE KNEES.

QUALITY NAPPING REQUIRES SUPPORT

PHASE 3

AMBIANCE CONTROL: LIGHTING

OVERHEAD LIGHTING IS STRICTLY PROHIBITED IN THE POST TURKEY NAPPING ZONE.

IT'S AGRESSIVE AND UNFLATTERING.

LOW LIGHTING IS HIGHLY RECOMMENDED

BECAUSE NOBODY WANTS BRIGHT OVERHEADS WHEN THEY HAVE THE MEAT SWEATS.

HOSTING PROTOCOL DISCLAIMER:

IT IS WITHIN YOUR RIGHTS TO RESERVE THE PRIME CORNER OF THE SECTIONAL, ASSIGN CLEAN UP DUTIES. AND YES, YOU SHOULD NAP FIRST. THANKSGIVING PREP IS NO JOKE.

RULES OF ENGAGEMENT

RULE #1: NO JUDGMENT IN THE NAPPING ZONE, SNORING IS PERMITTED.

RULE #2: THE PRIME CORNER OF THE SECTIONAL WILL ONLY BE AVAILABLE ON A FIRST COME, FIRST SERVE BASIS. THE "CRACK BACK" RULE (IF YOU KNOW YOU KNOW) IS NULL AND VOID UNDER THESE CIRCUMSTANCES.

THIS IS NON NEGOTIABLE UNLESS YOU ARE HOSTING.

RULE #3: PANTS WITH BUTTONS ARE STRICTLY PROHIBITED PAST 4 PM.